Occupy the Coffeemaker

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the dividing line between ignoble servitude and a real job is whether or not your employer provides coffee for you. As of this week, I am proud to announce that I have a real job.

Last week dissatisfied murmurs began to spread through the office. We were tired of fighting through Kardashian oglers to get to the Starbucks, tired of overpaying for overstrong coffee at the gourmet espresso bar, tired of impulse-buying muffins and salads at the sprawling lunch bodega. We were tired of bankrupting ourselves - and wasting company time - running downstairs for coffee every few hours. And soon it would be winter.

We circulated a petition, in the form of a friendly email reinforced with one-word g-chat statuses: COFFEE!!!

The response from The Man came quickly: our demand would be met. The next day, a coffeemaker, coffee grinder, a pound of beans from the gourmet shop, and an array of sugar and sweeteners appeared in the kitchen. We thronged around it with wide eyes and glad hearts.

Morale remains high and productivity has soared.

Caffeine to the masses.