Yet Another Abortion Post

Here I go again - more endless words on the tricky abortion debate.

I don't write about this as often as I think about it. I'm very passionate about the issue, but I don't find many who share my middling (yes, it's not a typo; "middling," although "muddling may apply as well) perspectives. Usually, when I start trying to explain myself, I get frustrated and inarticulate. Both sides vilify me, because the polarizing nature of the discussion cements each in the if-you're-not-with-us-you're-against-us trench. And we all go home in tears.

But I wanted to speak out in defense of President Obama and his conduct this weekend at Notre Dame. I've been mulling over this for a few days, because part of me wants to continue shying away from the whole mess. I know many of you will be outraged and/or disappointed that I don't condemn him outright. And probably many of you may be scornful, or even furious, that I have any respect for the pro-life side of the street. I'm a strong proponent of open, prolonged and perhaps emotional discussion, but not when it disintegrates into ideological bullying or deaf proselytizing. And the abortion issue is particularly vulnerable to such disintegration, in my experience.It's already been a rough week, and my neck is tensing up in anticipation of the scathing comments this might get.

But I have something to say, and if I'm not brave enough to say it on the internet, where can I say it? I admire President Obama's position this weekend, and I'm not just saying that because I voted for him.

Abortion is not black-and-white. I understand - believe me, I understand - why each side is so convinced that they are morally correct and the other side is morally depraved. In the contemporary relativistic climate, I will respect anyone who puts their foot down, says "I believe this is right" and sticks to it. Even if I disagree with them, if I think their logic is faulty or if I find their position reprehensible, I still give a nod to the pure action of standing for a conviction and not being swayed by ridicule or criticism.

So I respect the "pro-life" commitment to the unpopular tenet that life begins from conception - I especially admire the convicted believers within that movement who base their tenacity on God, not just willful politics or cultural tradition. And I respect the "pro-choice" insistence that the woman's experience be eased with a range of options. Again, many in this camp have professional agendas to exploit, but many are speaking from deeply-held convictions forged from a life lived under injustice, discompassion and judgment.

I wish these two ferociously opposed ideologies could lend a little grace to each other. I wish the pro-choicers could explain the pro-lifers that a woman is not a selfish criminal or a damned whore for wanting the situation to just go away. I wish the pro-lifers could teach the pro-choicers that they are not just unscientific misogynists or breeders with the goal of taking over the world. I wish both sides could temper their conviction with compassion - for each other as well as for the mother and the baby.

Because there's never a nice simple solution. When a woman has an unwanted pregnancy, no matter how she got into the situation, there's never an easy way out. Both sides are scared to admit this, whether it's individuals talking in a coffee shop or national leaders speaking from a podium. The pro-lifers scream that abortion is murder, end of story. The pro-choicers scream that the unformed tissue is the woman's property to do with as she chooses, and it's no big deal. Both sides are lying.

Sure, it's legal to have an abortion - but it's not easy. It's physically painful and emotionally upsetting, to say the least. And, yeah, you can take free baby clothes from the women's care centers, you can find a nice family to adopt your baby, but again, not easy. You're going to get fat, you'll have to get the baby out of you somehow, and then you either give away your new baby (which can be as traumatic as an abortion, in some ways) or you struggle through a life you didn't plan on, losing career options, school options, maybe even friends and family members. Abortion is not awesome. Adoption is not awesome. Unforeseen motherhood is not awesome.

Back to President Obama. This weekend he gave the commencement address at Notre Dame. You can read the transcript and watch the speech here.

Anti-abortion advocates have been incensed about this for weeks, circulating petitions on Facebook, upset that a Catholic university invited a speaker who does not uphold their beliefs on the sanctity of life. I acknowledge their right to oppose an individual on such grounds, and I'm not here to untangle the is-Obama-pro-life-is-he-a-Christian-what-about-this-law-he-voted-for-but-then-he-said-this indictment. Nor do I want to get into the messy ground of why I think abortion opponents sometimes violate the sanctity of life as much as do abortion defenders (but I did discuss it a little bit here, if you really want to know).

President Obama's Notre Dame appearance made me encouraged and proud for these reasons: He responded to the emotional controversy of the situation with dignity and respect; He did not shirk from the questions at the heart of the issue; He promoted open and considerate discussion of the issue; He pointed his listeners towards national unity without personal compromise; And he publicly acknowledged that abortion is not a simple problem and it does not have a painless answer. These are the marks of a valuable leader as well as making me feel less lonely in my personal position.

I get upset at leading figures who want to please both sides by dancing on the fence (see convictions, standing for, above) and some interpret Obama's remarks, here and elsewhere, as guilty of this. In some ways I can accept their arguments; yet, as our nation's president, it is his role to mediate from a middle position in certain instances, and I believe this was one of those issues. The high-profile fury of dissent surrounding his appearance made each side eager to find a victory; allowing any endorsement or either into his words would have fueled the ideological bitterness while alienating half the nation at a time when it's most important that he lead us towards unity in facing our many national challenges.

At very beginning of his speech, the audience erupted as he first mentioned the graduating class. This version (look, conservative friends, I used Fox News! Be nice.) notes the interruptions.

OBAMA: I also want to congratulate the Class of 2009 for all your accomplishments. And since this is Notre Dame --

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Abortion is murder! Stop killing children!

AUDIENCE: Booo!

OBAMA: That's all right. And since --

AUDIENCE: We are ND! We are ND!

AUDIENCE: Yes, we can! Yes, we can!

OBAMA: We're fine, everybody. We're following Brennan's adage that we don't do things easily. (Laughter.) We're not going to shy away from things that are uncomfortable sometimes.

He's not freaked out by the tumult. He responds with confidence and with grace, not rising to the chanting baits of either side nor ignoring the deeply-felt issue. He acknowledges the messiness of the situation while retaining control over his address. That is the sign of a leader.

Yet he did not avoid the abortion issue in his speech. Look at this:

As citizens of a vibrant and varied democracy, how do we engage in vigorous debate? How does each of us remain firm in our principles, and fight for what we consider right, without, as Father John said, demonizing those with just as strongly held convictions on the other side?

And of course, nowhere do these questions come up more powerfully than on the issue of abortion.

Oh my gosh! President Obama and I both value discourse that is both uncompromising and open-minded! We could totally be bff! He goes on to echo his sentiments from the third presidential debate and now, as then, my heart was encouraged to hear a world leader acknowledge so publicly :

That's when we begin to say, "Maybe we won't agree on abortion, but we can still agree that this heart-wrenching decision for any woman is not made casually, it has both moral and spiritual dimensions.

So let us work together to reduce the number of women seeking abortions, let's reduce unintended pregnancies. Let's make adoption more available. Let's provide care and support for women who do carry their children to term. Let's honor the conscience of those who disagree with abortion, and draft a sensible conscience clause, and make sure that all of our health care policies are grounded not only in sound science, but also in clear ethics, as well as respect for the equality of women." Those are things we can do.

Those are things we can do. These are the kind of words I've been desperate to hear. We can stand on our soapboxes debating until our tongues fall off and we won't win each other over. What if we stop talking and start doing? What if we start fixing the situations that make abortion so prevalent. What if we stop alienating each other with our polemical accusations and stop worrying about who will get a gold star from God/the gods/the universe/Gloria Steinem and start worrying about the hurts around us that we can't see when our mouths are foaming?

I don't care what the Pope thinks of this. I don't care what Bust magazine thinks of this. I don't care if you think I'm idealistic or nonsensical. I don't care if you're amused or horrified. I think it's a brave thing to claim the middle ground in a war that can't be won. I think it's important to look at the faces of the women who don't want their babies, whether they are afraid to want them, or are afraid to not want them, and offer a smile and some help, even if you think the person next to you is going to hell.

End of rant for today. Thoughts? Dare I ask that?